i'm breaking down.. i'm disintegrating.. my mind's going blank.. i'm going crazy..

i cannot take it anymore!!!! the stress is killing me!!!! i can't handle it!!! i've set my heart into doing it.. i REALLY REALLY want to get good results for my promos!!! i don't seem to be able to perform!!! consecutive Fs for chem.. WHAT THE SHIT IS THAT!!! i'm really getting demoralised.. i'm disappointed in myself.. i love the subject.. i wanna perform well.. my basics aren't there.. my chem has always been weak ever since sec 4.. but after o level, my failing chem shot up 2 b3.. that is why i regained confidence in my chem.. where is that confidence.. where have the confident me gone.. biology.. i only get AOs for bio.. i love bio alot alot.. i wanna major in bio! how can i do that when i'm failing bio! no university will accept a student who fails.. here, you don't even have the choice to fail.. u have to pass.. u'll be labelled as a failure when u fail.. no room for that..

sometimes i find myself really pathetic.. i cannot cope with anything that comes my way.. i'm such a wimp.. so stupid and idiotic and totally useless.. all i can do is cry and cry when people hit me with the harsh truth.. i'm such a weakling.. i cannot stand up for myself and fight against it.. i need people to comfort me and soothe me all the time.. i cry because i wanna run away from the harsh reality.. the reality that i'm unable to face and do not want to face.. i only know how 2 hide.. when things just don't go my way, i hide.. i keep thinking that i can do it but i CAN'T!! i'm breaking down.. my heart hurts.. i don't have the strength to go on.. i wanna give up.. i want to! vera said that when you feel like you're breaking down, just tell yourself that you can do it.. and you'll stand up again and face everything with open heart.. i find that super hard 2 accomplish.. the very fact that i'm a stupid idiotic person with no self control or confidence or whatsoever means that i can't help myself do it.. i'm weak.. i'm really weak.. i'm just a strong covering with nothing inside.. when u hammer me, i just crack into pieces..

i wish that i could just keep on running.. running to the ends of the world, hiding away from all that i dislike.. not facing what i don't wanna face.. i really feel damn stressed up.. why am i living in such a fucked up world.. even though there are people around me that care for me.. i still feel that i'm so alone.. because no one can help me run this journey, this last lap except myself and i can't seem to find the strength to run.. i want to do it but i can't get myself to do it..

what should i do?! i'm so lost.. so weak.. feel like giving up on everything that i have..