sometimes i can't help but wonder why my life is like this... i don't know why i am subjected to other people's criticism.. i hate people scolding me 'stupid'.. i'm not DUMB! i don't need you to scold me stupid.. sometimes i feel like i'm being forced to follow.. and every friday i'll get this sinking feeling inside me.. something tells me my mental state is not in function.. where is the old me? i don't want to go on like this.. it takes toil on myself and on the people around me.. i'll break down.. i'm not strong at all.. i'm weak.. i buckle under pressure and i cannot take things in my stride.. i think of the negative times and not the good times.. i want to be strong, i want hold my head up high and not bow down to you people.. but i'm weak inside.. sometimes i just feel that i can hold no longer anymore.. i feel like crying my heart out.. but i don't want people to see my weakness.. only my bestest best friends has ever seen me cry.. i'm bleeding... i'm really weak.. no one can help me be strong except myself.. no one can deter such stress except myself.. i need to help myself.. whenever i meet problems, i'll try my best not to disturb my friends cos i don't want them to be unhappy along with me.. life shouldn't be like this, worrying about your friend's problems cos it's not yours.. there's no use helping your friend carry some of their burden.. when i don't tell people my problems, i just wanna solve them myself.. when i keep my feelings inside me i just wanna suffer myself and protect my friends from my agony.. when i try to smile i wanna assure you guys that i'm alright.. but how long can i keep up with this facade.. i want to be me.. i wanna smile and laugh deep down from my heart.. i don't want to just act like i'm happy when i'm not happy.. i scold profanities.. this is not me... it's so irritating that i just want to kick them away and just be me.. nevermind how plain i am but i want a happy and normal life.. i've gotta find them back myself..

stress is slowly creeping up to me like a silent predator.. and i'm determined to kill it..